The First

Wow. A blog. I have to admit, I never thought I would be the kind of person that would give in to the world of blogging. But lately I find myself unable to tell the people closest to me a lot of what goes on in my life, so why not put it down on e-paper? I make one pledge to all of you (whoever may read these crazy posts), I will not make this blog an outlet for any "emo" thoughts or feelings I may have. I'm not gonna get all deep and reflective and write about how the world is really a beautiful place full of beauty and love or pain and strife or whatever. I always find those kinds of posts, whether they be blogs, or myspace bulletins, or facebook notes, incredibly awkward because who spills their guts to their electronic "friends" when half of those people don't really even know you? (does this hypothetical question make me a little bit of a hypocrite? Maybe haha)

Ok, onward and upward- for those of you who don't know me or haven't talked to me in a while, you may not know that... I love soap operas. Hence, the blog title. It's true. I watch them, I love them, I laugh at them because they are so ridiculous. Hey, it's an escape thing, don't judge. I used to be ashamed of the fact that i loved the soap world so. My brother teased me endlessly about it, and my roommates are less than thrilled that I can't seem to shake my annoying habit haha. Trust me, I know the shows are ridiculous, and yet, I find myself recording them and reading recaps online when I miss them. I get excited at the thought of seeing two characters who are CLEARLY meant for eachother finally make sweet sweet love after weeks of denying their feelings for eachother in a bedroom where about 28 candles have been strategically placed and lit and just the right song is playing as he says and does all the right things to make her feel extra special and she's not awkward or nervous or saying dumb things to screw the situation up. Not to mention that you could grate cheese on his abs and her cute little nighty (which she just happened to have handy) looks absolutely flawless on her. It's simply...perfection. I don't pretend to believe that any of what happens on soaps is plausible in any sense...but it's just so fun! It wasn't until I read the book Everyone Worth Knowing that I really understood why I seemed so captivated by the world of soaps. (Just replace romance novels with soap operas... you get the idea.)

"Escape was part of it, of course, but life wasn't so miserable that I had to revert to a fantasy world. It was inspirational to read about two gorgeous people who overcame all obstacles to be together, who loved each other so much that they always found a way to make it work. The sex scenes were a bonus, but more than that, the books always ended happily offering such optimism that I couldn't help from starting another immediately. They were predictable, dependable, entertaining and most of all, depicted love affairs that I could not deny, I wanted more than anything in the world."

So there's the explanation for the title and a bold statement about myself, all in one. I find it ironic that one of the most telling statements about me is found in a "chick-lit" book and has to do with romance novels. But I guess you can't pick where you find that kind of thing. The truth is, as much as I talk about being an independent person and ranting about how I think it's so surreal that everyone I know is getting married... I want that. Don't get me wrong, I love my independence, I love my career and I love the fact that I made it happen all by myself and I didn't have to think about anyone else in the process. I didn't have to sacrifice anything and I got exactly what I wanted. But I want those love affairs. I want to prove that I can have the career I always wanted and have a man that's not intimidated or that needs me to change who I am or what I do in order to be with him. Is that possible? Is that possible for me? Evidence up until now says no, but I remain cautiously optimistic haha.

That's more than you ever wanted to know and more than I've ever said. We'll see where this goes from here.